tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88103411945825058642024-03-12T22:38:52.736-07:00Young Urban Professional BitchNice Girls Finish LastShabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-52908717701610592032010-09-03T15:48:00.000-07:002010-09-03T15:50:08.463-07:00Book Review- Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Topping many, if not most, “Most Influential Novels Of All Time” and </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; ">“Great Literary Feats” lists is Gustave Flaubert’s ‘Madame Bovary’. The story, which follows the life of a woman trying to escape her lonely life, is often heralded as written perfection because of Flaubert’s superb use of language, style and syntax. There have been countless adaptations: movies, operas, plays and even Saturday Night Live skits, born from this one story. You cannot claim to have a well rounded education in literature unless you have read it and dissected it over a glass of wine with someone who is wearing a black turtleneck. If you want some serious cred with the litterati, it is a definite bookshelf must-preferably hardcover, preferably from a second hand store. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">*aside* If you have to get pretentious about the book before you even read it, that should send up warning flags.*</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sounds easy enough, right? All you have to do is read a classic novel to be able to hold your own at a cocktail party overflowing with book editors and Ph.D. candidates. So obviously you’re going to run out and buy it immediately unless you wish to be sentenced to don a “Ah’ve nevurr red Madam Bovahree” dunce cap before spending eternity in intellectual purgatory. And of course I am going to endorse it because I would never, ever counsel you against reading anything that might help you along in your social-climbing careers, right?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Be surprised. I am about to save you hours and hours of brain torture by telling you straight away not to believe the hype. Madame Bovary is a terrible book. I don’t care how much ejaculatory praise is heaped upon it or how many people far more cultured and educated than I hold it up as the holy grail of written word. Call me coarse, call me misled, call me a filthy, no good, literary blasphemist but </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">just please don’t call me to bookclub night for a reading of Madame Bovary.</span></span></i></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><i></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I remember being 13 and watching an episode of “Party of Five” where the elder sister, played by canadian Neve Campbell, expressed her tender appreciation of the book her university literature class was assigned to read. That book, predictably, boringly, annoyingly, was Madame Bovary. I can’t remember the exact words she used, but I recall an inspirational monologue, spoken softly over sensitive background music, that regurgitated the same praise that English teachers and book snobs have been heaping on Gustave Flaubert’s oeuvre for nearly two centuries. So, years later, when I was a university undergrad, I just had to read it. I ended up receiving the book as a gift from a friend and I couldn’t have been more excited. Then. I. opened. the. book.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><i></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><i></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Let me make one thing abundantly clear, I am not disputing Flaubert’s mastery of the French language- there are some stunning turns of phrase. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That is, if you read it in French. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I, like millions of poor, unsuspecting suckers, read it in English. So here I am, getting increasingly disillusioned with this book but forcing myself to soldier on because I know, I just know, that I am going to to fall in love with the narrative at some point. But it never happens, here is what I find instead:</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">At the beginning, the story focusses on a boring man, Charles Bovary. Later the focus shifts to his ridiculous wife, Emma. He is well-meaning but painfully naive, she is intolerably selfish. I think a good way to explain Emma is to compare her to Margaret Mitchell’s Scarlett O’Hara. Like Emma, Scarlett throws away almost everything that could make her happy for a love that is only real in her head and she is too self-involved to be a good mother. However, unlike Emma, Scarlett is smart, fiery and, most importantly, complex and interesting. Also, Emma has no business saavy, internal drive or survival instincts; she is like that girl you knew in high school who seemed only to care about her nails and what she was going to wear to the dance and really </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">did</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> only care about her nails and what she was going to wear to the dance. She is too inane to elicit sympathy, too vapid to amuse and just so irritating in her self-inflicted pain. In short, I can’t stand her and (however many pages) of her is far too much to ask anyone to endure. The story isn’t even compelling because you are missing out on all the flowery descriptive language (bon mots a-hohn honh honh) that makes the book remarkable, I’ll say it again, IN FRENCH. The story itself is not that interesting.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So, to wrap this up: after a series of failed love affairs, Emma runs up her husband’s credit (because she’s depressed, she starts shopping, which makes her a cliche before the cliche even existed- gross), can’t finagle the money to pay her debts from her ex-lovers, eats arsenic and dies a horrible, undignified death. Her husband dies shortly after, destitute because of Emma’s selfishness and their daughter is sent to live with distant relatives who promptly pack her off to toil in a mill. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Yes, I did just ruin the ending BUT I just saved you a world of unnecessary suffering. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You are welcome.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Shabs.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-92210172798651262082010-05-08T00:30:00.001-07:002010-06-25T12:30:18.720-07:00B.I.L.F.- Galen Weston, Jr.<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ontariochamber/4185121575/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2715/4185121575_c19bd57d6f_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ontariochamber/4185121575/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Galen G. Weston answers delegate questions</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br />Originally uploaded by </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/ontariochamber/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Ontario Chamber of Commerce</span></a></span></div>Before I begin, I would like to point out that the 'B' in B.I.L.F. stands for 'Brain', not billionaire. I keep getting questions about this from readers and wanted to clear that up before the newest installment. Everyone good? Okay, great, let's get on with it...<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>There's something about Galen, non?<br /><br />Admittedly, I have a thing for nerd types, and always have. When I was in grade 12, I had a platonic crush on this beautiful boy with the most perfect skin in the world. He was like a hot male porcelain doll. What?! I know it's weird, but I'm serious. He was this lovely, well-dressed, articulate, sweet, smart person who was just so not homefries. Of course he wore glasses, of course he had a "hair-do" that required gel and patience in the late grunge era when most people were still rolling out of bed and throwing on a flannel shirt and, unlike 90 per cent of boys my age, he had class and believed in chivalry. In my 17 year old opinion, he was pretty damn near perfect husband material, which is exactly the kind of thing you don't appreciate for another ten years or so when you start looking for a man with good genes instead of just a boy with good jeans (most of my girlfriends wanted guys who met the criteria: poor, dirty and can rock). Anyway, homeboy was all kinds of awesome with a metrosexual edge. I guess you could say that he was my original B.I.L.F.<br /><br />Don't worry, I'm getting to my point: Galen Weston is that guy's less cool, yet much wealthier and media saavy, counterpart. This is hugely significant, particularly from a marketing P.O.V. <div><br /></div><div>The Canadian Encyclopedia had this to say on G:<br /><br />He prepped for the corporate role he was born to play, earning a B.A. from Harvard and an M.B.A. from Columbia. Known to share his father's flair on the polo field and his people skills, it's unclear yet whether Weston has inherited pater's mercantile touch or knack for spotting talent. He has told friends he has grown to enjoy business, particularly during his stint at President's Choice banking services. Certainly there is little evidence he is conflicted about his destiny. By all reports, he's an impeccably decent guy, with lovely manners and zero social pretension. He dislikes being called Galen Weston Jr., preferring GG or G2, his family nickname (Galen Sr. is G1). Like his famously private father, he avoids media scrutiny, declining a request for interview. When his artfully raw industrial loft in a grungy Toronto neighbourhood was photographed for Toronto Life magazine in 2001, its resident was referred to obliquely as "The Bachelor."<br /><br />Um, Harvard? Zero social pretension? Corny nickname? RAW INDUSTRIAL LOFT?<br /><br />Swoon.<br /><br />And, oh, does he ever have that "mercantile touch". Having inherited, at the tender age of 33, the reins to the empire founded by his great-grandfather in the late 19th century, G2 has managed to take a tired, decidedly uncool brand and thoroughly revitalize it. By 2006, Loblaws (the parent company of President's Choice Brand) had become something of a punch line, having fallen quite a way from the glory days of Galen' s father, who had achieved a major image overhaul of the company in the 1970's. In only four short years, that reality has been turned completely around by new brand Joe Fresh and ambitious "green" initiatives that have turned Superstore into a preferred shopping spot of the trend-loving yet thrifty Gen-X/Y demographic. Recyclable fabric shopping bags? Yes please! IKEA Doppelganger furniture for a fraction of the price? But of course! GAP- quality polo shirts for seven dollars? HELL TO THE YES, GALEN!<br /><br />And let's be real here- I know I am not the only one who has gotten a serious case of the warm fuzzies while watching the new commercials featuring adorable, sheepish Galen engaging in various down to earth activities with the humble farmers and fisherman that supply the reasonably priced products that stock the shelves of his no-frills grocery stores. Doesn't he remind you of that cute, non-threatening, well brought up boy you used to go to school with? Don't you want to tousle his geeky almost-mullet?<br /><br />MMMhmm, this B.I.L.F. knows how to capitalize on image. He's done his homework and he's working the weak spots of Canadians A Mari Usque Ad Mare.<div><br /></div><div>I am picking up what he is throwing down. Are you?</div></div></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-5455962841366408552010-04-10T20:34:00.000-07:002010-04-11T11:07:10.396-07:00Word of the Week- Conurbation<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times;font-size:medium;"><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: normal; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:15px;"><p style=" overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>Conurbation</b> (kon-uhr-BAY-shuhn) </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.n.</span></i></p><p style=" overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">A large urban area involving several contiguous communities, formed as a result of expansion of neighboring areas.</span></p><p style=" overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[From <b>con</b>- (together, with) + Latin <b>urb</b>- (city) + -ation.]</span></p><p style=" overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For example:</span></p><p style=" overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">With the conurbation of new housing developments spreading in all directions, Edmonton was in danger of becoming Canada's worst example of urban sprawl after Toronto.</span></p><p style="font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; font-size: 11pt; "><br /></p></span></span></span></pre></span>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-28168742787008198102010-04-10T18:17:00.000-07:002010-04-10T21:40:48.782-07:00Let's talk about... Tiger's Nike ad<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Just in case you haven't seen it yet, allow me:</span></span><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;"><object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5NTRvlrP2NU&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5NTRvlrP2NU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre;font-size:12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre;font-size:12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span></span></span></div><span><span>They went for it.<br />In all fairness, it is Nike and their slogan is "Just Do It" (notice how the slogan was conspicuously missing from the last screen?)<br /><br />Regretfully, when asked what I thought about it almost a full day after seeing it for the first time, my response was "I have to think about what I think about it." But quickly thereafter I came to my senses.<br /><br /></span></span><div><span><span>I keep hearing people say that the ad "crosses the line", but I am going to reject that assertion right off the bat. Why? Because as far as I'm concerned, there is no "line" anymore. Sex is used to sell everything from soccer shoes to appliances. The other day I heard "Shaun from Spence" on the radio using S&M innuendo to sell necklaces FCS. Let's face it, at least half of all ads thesedays are vulgar or disturbing in one way or another. Do we really expect Nike to meet a higher standard when millions of dollars are at stake, when their golden boy is tarnished, when they have to make him immediately palatable to a skeptical public?<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Puh- lease.<br /><br />Let us, for the purpose of this discussion, accept as a given that this ad was born from a reality that team Tiger has finally grasped: Tiger should not speak for himself. Not yet. Maybe not ever. People are not buying it. Even when apologizing, he comes across as insincere. Better to let someone else do the talking for him, especially now that Tiger's scandal does not seem to be abating but rather gaining momentum.<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Just this week, a neighbour admitted to having slept with Tiger as a salacious Vanity Fair article detailing his "relationships" with four of his mistresses hit stands. VF may as well have dropped a bomb on what was left of his dignity; the stories are truly disgusting, painting a picture of a selfish, remorseless lecher with little to no sexual self- control. Also not in his favour is the fact that his wife continues to refuse to publicly show signs of forgiving him- she won't wear her wedding rings, move back into their house or accompany him on the golf circuit. His colleagues haven't exactly jumped to his defense, either. His mother has tried to be supportive but, come on, she couldn't even look at him during his "press conference" (scoff) in February.<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>So who, WHO? I ask, can help absolve Tiger of his sins? Who can give him the wings he so badly needs to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of his self destruction?<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Enter his deceased father, the man who knew him best, was by his side through all his biggest triumphs, served as his backbone, his rock and, apparently (conveniently?), his conscience. Anyone who followed Tiger's early career knows that the son leaned heavily on his father both personally and professionally. Tragically, Earl Woods died from cancer in 2006, around the same time that Tiger's reckless behaviour began. Is there a link?<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Nike wants you to think so.<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Here is the subliminal message of the ad, as far as I'm concerned:<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>This is a face you know, you have seen it a million times. You used to see it and think of ambition, drive and good sound values. Now you see something different. But while you are thinking of all those other things, remember this: Tiger Woods is a human who has suffered loss and pain, just as you probably have. Imagine trying to navigate the world of celebritywithout your moral compass. You'd be likely to make some mistakes, too. Tiger lost his way because he is human like you, but here is that voice of the past calling him back to the person he was before. He realises this now. Tiger was the person you believed him to be, the person you admired. He can and will be that person again.<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>So, is it working for you or not? For me, not, but I was never invested in the image side of Tiger.<br /><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>What do you think?<br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-86611048107835090662010-01-14T23:00:00.000-08:002010-01-15T00:38:06.962-08:00Your girl Shabs hits the big 3-UH OH.When I was 15, a friend of my mother's gave me some great advice. The first thing she told me was to lose my habit of chewing the inside of my cheeks because it would give me deep <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">naso</span>-labial folds that would make me look like a crone by my mid-twenties. I didn't listen (no cronage yet, though.) The second piece of advice, however, was something that I carried around in the back of my mind all throughout my 20's. <div><br /></div><div>Here is what she said to me: " Allow yourself to make your mistakes, have your fun and figure out who you are during your twenties. Don't get married and have babies, don't become a slave to work and don't become old before your time. When you make it to the end of that decade in one piece, look back at what really affected you and evaluate. Take stock of your mistakes and resolve not to repeat them. Then, buckle down and get on with adulthood."</div><div><br /></div><div>Brilliant advice. Thanks, Chrissy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Last S<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">aturday</span> night, I celebrated my 30<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> birthday with a group of friends both old and new. The age range was from roughly 24 to 40, and I found it very interesting to note the difference in which both ends of the spectrum approached the evening's festivities. You see, we went to a bar. I know. BUT, in my defense, it was a bar known for it's older and more well-behaved clientele. There were no 18 year <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">olds</span> throwing up in the restrooms, although there was a significant amount of leg humping going on (more on that later). ANYWAY, at the very beginning of the night, one of my friends came up and said in a soothing voice "Don't worry, 30 is the new 20."</div><div><br /></div><div>My response: "Bitch please, I certainly hope not because I was such an idiot when I was 20."</div><div><br /></div><div>But you know what? That is not necessarily a bad thing. According to Chrissy, I did everything that I was supposed to do. For your reading enjoyment, I have condensed the top 5 "Things I did wrong but oh-so-right in my 20's" into a comprehensive, but not chronological list:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. I dated Mr. Wrong. For seven years. I got engaged to him twice. That's right, TWICE. We had nothing in common, fought all the time, disagreed on everything, had none of the same values or priorities (read: my priority was to get a university degree, his was to lift heavy stuff while quaffing whey protein drinks and taunting me about how I thought I was "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">soooo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">smuurt</span>"). He abruptly dumped me one night. While it was happening, I was mostly just annoyed that he was talking during Will and Grace. Ah, true love.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. I was a bar star. It could have been worse, I didn't ever come close to being in rehab or anything of the sort, but I did my fair share of hair-flipping and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">poutyface</span> dancing while flirting with boys who I couldn't really see in the dark. I made a fool out of myself <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">wayyy</span> more than once but luckily never ended up in really compromising situations (except for the time when I went to grab something from my hotel room during my friend Fraser's wedding reception and had a door kicking spazz because the card wouldn't open the door. Unfortunately, I went down a wrong , yet identical, corridor and there was a family with children huddling terrified in their room while I screamed obscenities at their door thinking it was my empty room that I couldn't access.) I am so grateful that my bar star days were before the advent of camera phones and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">facebook</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Lawwd</span>.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. I suffered from MPSBC, that is Multiple Personality Syndrome By Choice, meaning I tried on many different roles in order to test out what worked and what didn't. I started off a Mean Girl, then moved on to Diplomat, Over-opinionated Snob, Hippie, Basket Case, Political Activist, Radical Feminist, then Party Girl, then Doormat, then Pseudo-Tame Librarian, then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Shabs</span> Warrior Princess, etc. You get the point.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. I struggled with boundary setting. This was an important one for me. I had to learn how to set my limits and communicate them in a way that didn't unleash the Angry Black Woman that has always lived inside me. I also had to accept that some people couldn't live with my boundaries, which was disappointing but also very freeing. (PS- If I ever start my own PR firm, I think I am going to call it "Angry Black Woman Communications". What do you think?)</div><div><br /></div><div>5. I worked a bunch of jobs that didn't allow me to use my strengths. Although I did my best at those jobs and leaned a great deal about interpersonal communication as well as professional growth, I knew something was missing. I allowed the jobs to direct me instead of directing myself toward the opportunities that would allow me to put my skills to their best use. Why? Because I didn't yet know what my greatest strengths were. I just knew that people said I was really smart. I thought that would get me through. Ah, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">grasshoppah</span>- so naive.</div><div><br /></div><div>I could go on, believe me. </div><div><br /></div><div>So there I was, at the bar on my birthday (for some reason) looking around at the other people dancing and grouping them by what I thought were their motives. To sum it up, there were the deli dwellers, those who were only there for the "meat", if you catch my drift; the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">charlottes</span>, girls who are looking for husbands and just seem exhausted from the effort; test drivers, leg <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">humpers</span> who just there to sample the goods and see if they find something that might be a long term fit; the Young <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">MCs</span>, people there to bust a move; and couples, two kinds: jealous and secure. I realised that I have been all of those people over the last ten years and I am happy that I was.</div><div><br /></div><div>You see, darlings, I feel like I got all of my craziness out of my system and am ready to "buckle down and get on with adulthood". I travelled, finished my education, partied, made a bunch of really stupid mistakes, played with identity, met all kinds of different people, learned about my strengths and weaknesses and how to manage them, met the perfect man, moved back to my home province, set up a nest and am on the cusp of beginning an exciting new career. I followed Chrissy's advice to the letter and am so happy that I did. Now, I am ready to really go for it. I want the kids and the career and the ongoing great partnership with my husband and the evolution of old relationships along with the blossoming of new ones.</div><div><br /></div><div>See you at the top, bitches.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-66955702522200757222009-12-05T20:18:00.000-08:002009-12-08T00:19:27.260-08:00Resuscitating Tiger<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Cansecos? No.<br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Rodruiguez? Don't care.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Bryant? Whatevs.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Short of "IF THE GLOVE DON'T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!", I have never followed an athlete-related scandal. I'm a girl's girl and therefore couldn't care less about the sleazy shenanigans of self-absorbed, overpaid professional athletes.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">HOWEVAH, I am finding the Days of Our Lives-esque salaciousness of the Tiger Woods scandal irresistible. What is not to love? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger's PR is what's not to love. Who is responsible for this mess?! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For those of you who need a refresher, below is a timeline to bring you up to speed. Then we'll discuss.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px; font-family:verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:12px;"><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>November 25</b></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The National Enquirer reports that Tiger is having an affair with </span></span></span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">New York</span></span></span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> event planner Rachel Uchitel. People don't care until...</span></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>November 27</b></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger crashes his Escalade near his </span></span></span><st1:city><st1:place><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Orlando, Florida</span></span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> home. It is reported that Tiger's wife Elin used a golf club to smash a window in order to free her husband from the car.</span></span><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> (Allegedly, he was unconscious and bleeding from the mouth when police arrived). </span></span></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><div class="art-o art-align-left" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;font-size:medium;">November 28</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;font-size:medium;">Woods turns police away from his home and asks them to come back the next day. Rumors swirl that Tiger's injuries resulted from a 9 iron wielding Elin who, according to neighbours, "beat his ass".</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><div class="art-o art-align-left" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><object width="425" height="350" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/BYjsz_wql80" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; "></object></span></span></div><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>November 29</b></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger releases a statement asking for privacy and calling the incident "embarrassing for my family" and again refuses to speak with police regarding the accident.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Later, the 911 call made by a neighbour is released. See above.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Rachel Uchitel, who days earlier had been named as Tiger's mistress, denies any affair.</span></span></span></p><div class="art-o art-align-left" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>November 30</b></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger withdraws from the Chevron World Challenge at Sherwood Country Club, California due to injuries sustained in the accident.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>December 1</b></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Woods is charged with careless driving and given a $164 fine. </span></span></span></p><div class="advert" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; text-align: center; clear: both; color:initial;"><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 1em; color: rgb(110, 110, 110); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><div class="mpu-ad" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: auto; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; float: none; width: 300px; color:initial;"><div id="tmgdfc-rk3" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; display: block; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div></div></div><div class="art-o art-align-left" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>December 2</b></span></span></span></div><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Us Weekly reports that </span></span></span><st1:city><st1:place><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Los Angeles</span></span></span></st1:place></st1:city><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, alleges that she and Tiger had a 31-month affair and posts a voicemail on their website allegedly left by Woods on Grubbs' phone days before the car accident in which he warns that his wife may be calling her.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Apparently, Elin did call and left a voice message that said "You know who this is because you're f***ing my husband." OH SNAP.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Clip below:</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><div class="art-o art-align-left" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><object width="425" height="350" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/F722TGcR-9M" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; "></object></span></span></div><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That's not all. The same day, the media links a THIRD woman, a Las Vegas club marketer to Tiger.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger releases another statement apologising for his "transgressions". He does not specify just how transgressy he has been.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Transcript of the statement below (from his website):</span></span></p><blockquote><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px; font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px; font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"></span></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 1em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 1em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 1em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 1em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.</span></p></span><p></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"></p></blockquote><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>December 3</b></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The media reports that Rachel Uchitel has met with and possibly hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred. People freak out.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Uchitel announces her intention to hold a press conference in Los Angeles but cancels shortly before the conference is scheduled to take place. </span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: bold; font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;font-size:medium;">December 4</span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Claims emerge that Tiger offered Uchitel $1 million to cancel the press conference. Rumors circulate that Uchitel has gone into hiding because she fears for her safety.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Meanwhile </span></span></span><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">TMZ releases an email exchange between one of Tiger's employees and Uchitel, dated November 9, details plans for the two to meet in Australia.</span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">US Weekly magazine hits news stands featuring an interview with mistress number two, Jamie Grubbs, which clearly exposes her as a Grade A Dipstick. Yes, that's an official title. </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color:black;"></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;font-size:medium;"><b>December 5</b></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">A fourth woman comes forward claiming she had a long-term affair with Woods that began in 2004, the year he married his wife. Allegedly, the woman has hired a lawyer and intends to make a statement to the media. Uh Oh.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">***</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">OH LAWD! Can't you just see Tiger slinking around his mansion, trying to avoid Elin's angry side eye as she menacingly waves a golf club at him while standing over a burning wastepaper basket containing their now void pre-nuptial agreement? </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is not the point, though.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The point is that Tiger Woods has failed to follow the basic rules of crisis communications as outlined by Vincent Covello, a prominent authority on the subject. According to Covello, the cardinal rules are:</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"></span></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><ul><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Accept and involve the public as a legitimate partner</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Plan carefully and evaluate your efforts</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Listen to the public's specific concerns</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Be honest, frank and open</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Coordinate and collaborate with other credible sources</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Meet the needs of the media</span></b></span></li><li style="padding-top: 1.25em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Speak clearly and with compassion</span></b></span></li></ul></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"></span><p></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So, where has he failed? </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger is in serious violation of rules number 1, 4 and 7. He has not acknowledged that the public has a right to know anything of substance, which makes him come across as insincere. He is taking for granted that his fundamental right to privacy exempts him from having to offer any direct explanation or sincere apology. He has consistently been standoffish and, in my view, condescending, which has resulted in unflattering reports of his behavior (ie: he is rude to service staff, refuses to give his autograph to eager children and is a poor tipper). Keep in mind that nobody ever talked shit about Tiger before a week ago. </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The public feels, on some level, that they have been personally deceived. Here is this person who we put up on a pedestal and he turns out to be no better than a deceitful philanderer.</span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The fact is, Tiger Woods is not just a man who made (humped) a mistake or four. He is a brand. He is the single highest paid athlete in the world. His squeaky clean image made him an ideal spokesperson for, well, anything really. He has accepted the role of public figure because he has reaped the rewards of that status and therefore he cannot just decide that his fans have no place in his life. The sooner he accepts this, the better. </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tiger is not sorry enough. The public is simply not going to accept his continued silence or inaction on this matter. </span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Your move, Tiger.</span></span></p><p color="initial" style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; font-family:inherit;font-size:1em;color:initial;"><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;"><br /><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline- font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; font-family:inherit;font-size:10px;color:initial;"></span></span></span></span></p><p style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 1em; font-family: inherit; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 16px; "></p></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-69179079529862361512009-09-11T17:36:00.000-07:002009-09-11T17:39:17.409-07:00Guest Post- Jill f*cks up.<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Hey, bitches. Allow me to introduce you to my second guest poster, Jill, and her biting sense of humor. Enjoy...</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">There have been times in the jobs I've had when I've fucked up. It doesn't matter how it happened, really. There's the Inverted Number Sequence Catastrophe of aught three, the Wrong Address Paper Mix-Up of ninety-nine... I'm sure you've all had your own. Oh, the stories I could tell! But there's definitely a special chapter in that particular book of fables for the collective fallout of these mistakes. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">This may shock you, but as a woman, it is a big deal when I mess up at work. When a man makes a small computing error he is “only human”, for a woman mistakes are a symptom of feminine silliness. It's frankly a wonder we can get through a full day without blowing something up, right ladies? For men it's a one-time thing, for women just another in a string of airhead moves.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">I can't count the number of times a male supervisor has tried to make me feel stupid over something that's as natural to humans as breathing: fucking up. I have news for you, superiority-complexed male supervisors: one wrong digit does not an idiot make. I've sat there patiently, having the simplest tasks explained to me over and over again. I've put up with your condescending tone. I've refrained from screaming “I AM WAY SMARTER THAN YOU, ASSHOLE!” But no more. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">Right now, I am outing you publicly. All you smarmy middle managers with your dull-witted cries of “you must be pregnant!” when I feel sick. All you limp-wristed, fleece-vest-wearing jokers who make lame comments about PMS when I am legitimately pissed at your incompetence. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">I am </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">smarter</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"> than you. That's right, I said it. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">No longer will I leave the house feeling crisp and in control, only to return eight hours later feeling bedraggled. I have your number, middle manager man. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">I demand you take me seriously from now on. I will not laugh at your PMS jokes. I will look at you like you have six heads when you suggest I am pregnant. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">Most of all, when you explain something simple to me for the three-hundredth time, because you just can't get over that one time I got it wrong, I will say: “Thank you, but I figured that out already. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do.”</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">I can't stop making mistakes. I have faith that I will find new and challenging ways to fuck up in the future. But you know what? So will men! </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">YUPB readers, don't be trapped by the middle manager man. He's an idiot. You just keep on walkin' in your fab, fab shoes. </span></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-75815150661333171682009-09-09T22:18:00.001-07:002009-09-11T20:57:44.015-07:00B.I.L.F.- Dr. Mehmet Oz<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; "><br /></div><div><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3262/2852192338_a4936283ac_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /><br /></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Photo Originally uploaded by David Berkowitz</span></span><br /></div><div><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I have what you might call a bad case of White Coat Syndrome. That means that any time I am near a medical professional, I want to run screaming from the building. I mean, let's be honest here, where else do you go but a doctor's office to put on a paper dress </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">backwards</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and then have a near-stranger ask banal questions about your life while they speak directly into your crotch? Yeah, almost nowhere. Exactly.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong; I respect the work that doctors do. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to pinpoint what is ailing a person while they anxiously relate a laundry list of obscure symptoms. Even more difficult, I think, must be to retain empathy and, especially, a sense of humour.<br /><br />Meet Dr. Mehmet Oz, a Harvard educated cardiologist, author, and humanitarian who happens to manage to do both of those things while acting as Oprah Winfrey's personal physician, which, btw, is the modern day equivalent of the guy from the Tudor court who had the prestigious job of collecting the king's poo everyday. I mean that in a good way.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ANYWAY...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">He is not your typical pill-pushing MD. He strongly supports energy-based therapies, such as acupuncture, yoga and meditation; he studies "blue zones", geographical areas where residents have higher life expectancies than developed countries and he serves on the Board of Trustees for One Voice Movement to promote healthier dialogue between moderate Israelis and Palestinians.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Intelligent, open-minded and selfless?<br /><br />*Sigh* Love him.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Have you ever seen him on Oprah? He approaches even the most disgusting things with such a happy-go-lucky attitude that he could almost be the biology professor you had a crush on back in Uni. And while he is somewhat simian, I can't help but be turned on by the way he can take a dismal medical prognosis and make it seem like someone has just handed you your VERY OWN UNICORN. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around for those days when I need to be talked out of laying on the floor and eating cheese. Don't you?</span></div></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-75281553183004879632009-09-09T21:20:00.000-07:002009-09-09T21:34:28.395-07:00Word of the Week- Bovarism<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Times;"><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: normal; font-family:Times;font-size:16px;"><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Bovarism</span> (BO-vuh-riz-em) <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">n</span>.</span> An exaggerated or glamourised estimate of oneself. Conceit. From the French <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Bovaryisme</span> (after Emma Bovary, the title character in Gustave Flaubert's famous novel 'Madame Bovary'.)<br /></span></span></pre><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For example: <blockquote>" When she speaks, she literally looks down her nose at you whether you are taller than her or not. Everything about her body language and mannerisms belies unreasonalbly high self-esteem. This woman's bovarism practically oozes from her pores." </blockquote></span></span></pre></span></pre></span>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-85092546052352967772009-08-20T23:47:00.000-07:002009-09-02T21:17:54.787-07:00Identity Crisis: Shabs Jones?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Darlings, forgive me for the hiatus, but I have just returned from world's most insane interprovincial road trip. I promise, I'll never leave you like that again. We good? Great. Love you more.</span><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Okay, before I get started, let me just throw this one down: Vegas is Satan in municipal form. If you plan to travel, go somewhere (ANYWHERE) else.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Moving on...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Lord help me, YUPBs. I am trying to buy a house this week and it is a jungle out there. Apparently, the real estate market has recovered just in time for Mufti and I to purchase a house in one of the most expensive markets in the country. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">House shopping is most definitely an exercise in restraint, which has never ever been my strong point. I am exceedingly sorry to tell you that I have found myself nose to nose with perhaps the biggest dilemma facing a Young Urban Professional Bitch.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I think Willie Shakespeare posed the question best when he wrote: </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 17px; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To be, or not to be, that is the question:</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer<br />The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Or, as pertains to my case: To keep up with the Joneses or not to keep up with the Joneses. That is the question. And, in this story, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are vanity and greed. More specifically, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">my </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">vanity and greed.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Because here's the thing: while I didn't grow up wealthy, I certainly didn't suffer materially. We were middle class. Sure, I did some coveting, but who hasn't? That said, I am not a materialistic person nor have I ever been. My husband has cited this very attribute as one of the main reasons he married me. I don't really care about things so much as about experiences and have never put down "be filthy rich" on my life to-do list. Furthermore, I often openly mock people who need other people to know how much money they have or people who are ultra-secretive about how much money they have/make. I really think that level of seriousness on the subject is pretentious. Yet, there I was, agonizing not about the price of the house or the location but mostly about what other people would think of it and whether the house would </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">accurately reflect where we are financially.</span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">WTF?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That's right boys and girls, throw me a comb-over and an extended length reality show that nobody gives a f*ck about because I have officially entered a level of douchebaggery reserved for the Donald Trumps of the world. I am a greedy white man. I am the female version of Dick Cheney. If this experience were a vintage Super Mario Brothers game, my outlook on it would be the warp zone to Social Climbing Bitch Land.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The thing is, I know that you are never supposed to admit that kind of thing out loud, which is precisely the reason I'm doing it. Because, while I know that those things don't really matter, I can't help but care about them all of a sudden. It was a huge eye-opener to realize that I actually give a shit about this kind of nonsense. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I think I know where it came from, too: living in Alberta. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You see, one of my major problems with living in the wild rose province is that the government and many, many individuals I've met here (most, but not all) seem to think that money is the most important thing in life. If you have more money than the next person, it makes you better than them, so they seem to think. Albertans value money over much more important things: the environment, health, truth. If you think I'm wrong, just look at the effects of the oil sands and the way most people defend them, as if the money they generate excuses anything at all.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So, I'm running for my life and hoping that a return to my kinder, gentler home province of B.C. will erase my newfound love of money. However, if you see me driving around in a jacked up diesel truck with testicles hanging off the back hitch, just do me a favour and lobotomize me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div></div><div><br /></div></div></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-31635108454559974122009-08-10T23:47:00.000-07:002009-08-12T19:09:05.165-07:00In Which I Invite My Readers to Unravel a Mystery of Great Cultural Importance Part 1<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Once again, I spent this past Friday night surrounded by smart and gorgeous YUPBs. This time, we chose a small Moroccan-decorated Greek restaurant where the food was small but delicious and the house wine is made by...Wayne Gretzky. I got the feeling that the restaurant was having an identity crisis and they weren't the only ones. Several of us were having a "crossroad day" as well.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This night didn't stand a chance, do you see where I'm going with this? Everything was a little strange right off the bat.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">After a couple of bottles and some appies, we decided that we should go to a place that was a little more happening where we could dance, do some shots and get our crayzay on. When we got there, one of the first things I noticed before we skipped the line (we're KIND OF A BIG DEAL- sorry, I have been waiting for an opportunity to get all Kanye West Caps Lock on yo' asses...) was a very tall girl in a very tiny outfit. Too tiny. I don't just mean that she was violating actual decency laws, this outfit was outrageously short AND unflattering. I wondered aloud to my friends why this girl's companions hated her. They must; otherwise, they would never have let her wear that out of the house. Poor girl. Whatever, though, that was not the point of the night, right? I went ahead inside and followed the girls to the bar.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I spent the next few minutes rooting through my stupid purse for bills and when I looked up, I had a definite WTF moment: </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Were my friends and I the only women in the bar wearing pants?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">When did fashion shift to the pantsless variety?! Suddenly, I was swimming in a nauseating sea of doughy white, cellulite-laden thighs. There were dresses so short that I'm pretty sure that they should have been shirts and shorts so short that they barely escaped dimpled bum cracks. Ew, gross, I thought. How tacky (Speaking of tacky, fast forward a couple of hours to us in a cab, opening the door to a group of girls outside a bar and demanding to know where their pants are).</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Okay, I decided to focus on something else and settled on the music (and the cheesy bouncer standing on a chair and waving his crotch around). I started noticing that most of the songs were strikingly similar, Cher circa 2000 kept coming to mind. You know, that song "Believe" where she sounds like a robot. I started to listen to the songs: Black Eyed Peas, Kanye, Sean Kingston...all the same. Ah, the 808 (a synthesizer used in music production). That's what it was.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">How strange that, all of a sudden, music sounds the same and nobody is wearing pants. I started to ponder this: could it be that it was not a coincidence? Could it be that the decline of pants popularity and the increased usage of the 808 in Top 40 music were somehow linked? </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But who would stand to benefit from such circumstances?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I am back from Vegas on Sunday. I will give you until then to enter your guesses. Stay tuned for part 2...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-48005859676740047782009-08-10T23:39:00.000-07:002009-08-11T00:45:16.786-07:00Guest Post from LilMissFemmeFatale<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Hey Everyone, Shabs here. As I am away in Vegas this week, one of my fellow YUPBs has generously offered to post in my absence. Enjoy, or don't- but let's hear what you think of her POV! </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:16px;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Nature Vs. Nurture: Professional Edition</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It’s a strange world we women live in nowadays. Our biological nature tells us to “be nice, especially to your fellow woman” and “help people” and “think of yourself last” and all that shit. Meanwhile, feminism and the women in the work-world that are a product of feminism are telling us “do what you have to do to get ahead” and “you deserve to succeed” and “think of your professional future first” and all that shit. Seriously, what’s a girl to do?! Working women are having an identity crisis, and we don’t even know it. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I like to think that I’m a nice person. I want to have good relationships with other people, especially other women. Women these days have to deal with far too much other crap to turn on each other: rape, sexual, physical and mental abuse, prejudice, racism, the list goes on. (And that list doesn’t even include the less mentally-, physically- and emotionally-damaging crap, like pregnancy, cellulite and trucks with testicles hanging off them.) If we want violence against women to end we have to fight against it as a united front, both in and out of the workplace. Especially when violence and prejudice against women in the workplace is still, after all these years, a problem.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">(Sorry, mini-rant there. My “pet” cause is violence against women. But I’m sure you picked up on that.)</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">However, while I do want women to cultivate good relationships with each other and be united and all that, I really do want to get ahead in my professional career. I’m a competitive person, and my professional life is no different. Between 9 and 5 I will work my ass off to be better than her, whoever “her” may be. Be a better writer, be more creative, be more charming, get more clients, get more money, get more promotions, get more recognition, more, more, more. And because I want to be nice, I won’t be upfront about it. I’m sure most people don’t realize how competitive I actually am, because all this is going on in my head. I’m constantly secretly working out how to do better than you. If you ask me for help I’ll purposefully give you just enough to make you think I’m helping…but not enough to help you succeed, because I don’t want you to. Isn’t that bitchy? But I don’t apologize. My identity means that I’m nice until we’re in a boardroom together. It’s easy for me to separate how I feel about you personally to how I feel about working with you.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So yes, I love my female relationships. But if you get in my way in the job setting, I will take you down. And I’ll smile sweetly while I do it.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">- LilMissFemmeFatale</span></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:12px;"><br /></span></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-56794917283210806822009-08-04T19:04:00.000-07:002009-08-04T19:13:26.783-07:00YUPB Word of the Week: Cacology<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; "><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">Cacology </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">(ka-KOL-uh-jee).</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">n</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">.</span></span></pre><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: normal; "><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">From the Greek </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">C</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">aco </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">(bad) and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">logy </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">(word)</span></span></pre></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"> Poor choice of words </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">or</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"> Incorrect pronunciation </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></pre><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">For example: </span></span></pre><pre style="word-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia;">" The result of him trying to converse in a language in which he was not fluent resulted in the worst kind of cacology."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"> </span></span> <br /></pre></span>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-9256994182514089502009-08-04T17:28:00.000-07:002009-08-04T17:35:44.746-07:00July Alpha B.I.L.F.: Mikey Ignatieff!Our next Prime Minister has been voted Alpha B.I.L.F. with 57% of the vote. Thanks to everyone who voted.Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-14231539151449693492009-08-04T14:08:00.001-07:002009-08-04T19:14:13.950-07:00Cautionary Tale- Lauryn Hill<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisaliang/62935111/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/26/62935111_4b6ba09e68_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisaliang/62935111/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Lauryn Hill</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br />Originally uploaded by </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/lisaliang/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Lisa <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Liang</span></span></a></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Well, </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">YUPBs</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, sorry to get all depressing on your fabulous asses, but it can't be helped. I am tired of seeing so many women plunge themselves into utter ruin because they allowed some guy to eff with their priorities.<br /><br />Case in point: Lauryn Hill. '</span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Memba</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> her?<br /><br />Between 1996 and 1998, you could scarcely turn on your radio without hearing Lauryn's voice. As one third of the </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Fugees</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and an award- winning solo artist, she dominated the charts for the last half of the 1990s. I recall more than one lunch hour in high school spent driving around with my fave bitches, smoking </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">DuMauriers</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and listening to "Killing me Softly". That voice. She was this beautiful, hip, strong, talented black woman with so much charisma.<br /><br />Then, she simply disappeared.<br /><br />What at first seemed to be a self-imposed hiatus based on her negative feelings about the trappings of celebrity soon turned into something more...bizarre. Her MTV unplugged session was called a "public breakdown" by Rolling Stone, she recorded albums and then refused to release them, dropped out of a major project backed by Oprah (oh no you didn't) and completely screwed the </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Fugees</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> reunion by refusing to come on stage until she was ready, which was sometimes a full 45 minutes into a show.<br /><br />So, what happened?<br /><br />Let me tell you what happened: Lauryn Hill let men come in and take away her power. That's right, I'm going there. First, she started listening to some "spiritual advisor" named Brother Anthony, who basically told her to renounce everything, calling it sin. Then, she got knocked up by Bob Marley's son, </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Rohan</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. This </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">douchebag</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> neglected to tell her that he was already married and had two children with his wife. Like a dummy, she stayed with him and got knocked up four more times and began referring to Marley as her husband. He, on the other hand, told the media that they are only together "spiritually". I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Rohan</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Marley keep his "</span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">spirituality</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">" in his pants if he isn't going to recognise the legitimacy of his relationship. F*</span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cker</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.<br /><br />Now our girl Lauryn is raising five children by herself and has cut off most of the people who were close to her back in the day. Those who are still in touch with her say that she's pretty unbalanced. So sad.<br /><br />There is an important lesson here. I've seen this happen more than once to very smart women who end up ruining their lives because they let some man who does not have their best interests at heart swoop in and lead them. These women lose their professional momentum, self-respect, financial security and common sense.<br /><br />If it can happen to a mega-star with everything going for her, it can happen to you. Don't let it. Take care of yourself first, you are your own best resource. Next time some </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">sexay</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> piece tries to get risky with your well-being, think of Lauryn and tell him to hit the road.<br /><br />Use your head, </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">YUPBs</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Don't wind up a cautionary tale.<br /><br />And send out good vibes to L.H., she badly needs it.</span>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-29358868268397458402009-07-31T16:16:00.000-07:002009-08-04T16:10:21.039-07:00Quote to live by<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0tjqrjrpueIEWfiiz96td18AeD8gkOLn07_vGKzQgHX5V6viGmsFdcv31oAWKAPmNeUJ4s58V7yOxUIHvlSBxl9Qe1AE-Yd3bFDns-g2trHXYSEyS5LYNu_ysgQDwt2M7odxtmiZF8mk/s1600-h/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0tjqrjrpueIEWfiiz96td18AeD8gkOLn07_vGKzQgHX5V6viGmsFdcv31oAWKAPmNeUJ4s58V7yOxUIHvlSBxl9Qe1AE-Yd3bFDns-g2trHXYSEyS5LYNu_ysgQDwt2M7odxtmiZF8mk/s400/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364767178594294258" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Happy August long weekend, bitches! <br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Thanks to my White Stepmother for the photo and Joan Rivers for the quote, which reads:</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">"Don't cook, don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum-"my god...the floor is immaculate, lie down you hot bitch".</span></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-27147954055526851222009-07-28T21:45:00.001-07:002009-08-04T19:15:08.435-07:00YUPB Icon- Katharine Hepburn<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/3001713688/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3181/3001713688_71cee9827d_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;font-size:0.9em;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/3001713688/">Katharine Hepburn in "Little Women"</a><br />Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/nostri-imago/">cliff1066</a></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">" Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around wondering about yourself."<br /></span></span><br />Do you ever yearn for a time when celebrities were mysterious beings whose personal lives were beside the point. A time when Twats like Heidi and Spencer would be screened by directors and casting agents who would inevitably toss them aside once they recognized their obvious lack of substance?<br /><br />I do *sigh*.<br /><br />I wish there were more women in the entertainment industry as fascinating as Katharine Hepburn was, what with her raspy voice, strange mannerisms and crusty defiance. Now here was a woman worthy of not only the time it took to see one of her movies, but also the hard-earned money you plunked down for that privilege.<br /><br />She went from being labeled "Box office poison" to becoming the first actress to win four Academy Awards and she did it while shunning the stifling moral code imposed on actresses working in 1940's Hollywood. She wore pants before it was acceptable to do so, refused roles that could lead to bimbo typecasting and publicly stated that she thought herself too selfish for children in an era where such behaviour could get you burned at the proverbial stake. Brave.<br /><br />As the daughter of the co-founder of Planned Parenthood and early pro-choice advocate, Katharine came by her individualism and liberal ideals honestly. She was so intrinsically independent that, when she married, she insisted that her husband rearrange his name so that she wouldn't have to go by the boring moniker Kate Smith; she also insisted on continuing to work in theatre. Later, when she decided that marriage was limiting her potential, she went to Mexico on her own to obtain a divorce because she knew that she would get jerked around by a U.S. system that punished women who tried to abandon their prescribed role in life. Then, she went about f*cking whomever she pleased while landing the best roles in the business and enjoying a career that spanned six decades. High Five, Katharine!<br /><br />She was a true firebrand, a feminist before it was fashionable to proclaim yourself as such and a no-nonsense woman who oozed self-respect; a sharp contrast to the "stars" we are subjected to today who have the style and appeal of a set of french manicured acrylic fingernails.(Scoff).<br /><br />If you don't love her already, you should start today. They don't make them like this anymore.<br /><br />By the way, On Golden Pond (for which she won an Oscar):<br />Best. Period. Movie. Ever.<br />Trust.Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-45961878812878889692009-07-27T08:27:00.000-07:002009-07-27T10:07:17.352-07:00Am I a lazy narcissist?While chilling out on a dock at the lake this weekend, someone asked me exactly what it is I do for a living. I hate answering that question because PR can be notoriously complicated and therefore so is any explanation of what I do at work. Usually, I approach the answer with a focus on social media and its role in achieveing business goals, since that is where my interest lies. When I started talking about how important social media/networking tools like Facebook, Twitter, blogs and even texting are to business growth, I was met with skeptical expressions. I had accidentally sparked a debate. Why? Out of the 5 people on the dock that night, <strong>I was the only one who used any of those tools on a regular basis.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Par-don?<br /><br />How is that possible, I wanted to know. How did they stay in regular contact with people? Were they actually talking on the phone or (gasp) e-mailing? Does anyone even answer a phone anymore or check their E-mail inbox? I know I don't. To me, it's the equivalent of hitching a horse to a buggy to deliver a hand-written letter.<br /><br />It wasn't like I was talking with a bunch of Baby Boomers either, the people on the dock were between the ages of 20 and 33, so Gen X, Gen Y and Millenials, all generations that are supposed to be technologically saavy. So what was the deal, then. Why the resistance?<br /><br /> Apart from the baffling assertion that "most people" don't use social media was that, if they did, it's because they are a "certain kind of person". The general opinion seemed to be that this "certain kind of person" didn't use social media because they were too busy, but because they weren't busy enough. Basically, people who regularly use social media tools are lazy and need to find something more useful to occupy their time.The concensus was that Twitter is useless and narcissistic, Facebook is nothing more than a time-wasting device and texting is rude because you should just dial a phone and call someone. I tried explaining that these technologies are mobile, so really most people aren't sitting in front of a computer, they are going about their lives while simultaneously using the technology for business or leisure purposes and also that businesses were increasingly making use of them. Face-to-face is still the ultimate goal but, when that is not possible, this is how people communicate now, I said. Nobody was buying it. "Look around, there are five of us here and you are the only one who thinks like that", I was told.<br /><br />I was f*cking blown away.<br /><br />Is this true? Are most people <em>not</em> using social media? Are the people who do use it just self-absorbed Tyras with too much time on their hands? Are other people still having several telephone conversations and sitting down to answer e-mail messages daily while jotting things down in their hard-copy daily calendar?<br /><br />Have I been under the false impression that the world is moving in this direction and this is the new way to communicate?<br /><br />Weigh in bitches, how big of a role does social media play in your life and who is using it?Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-1461239688561212242009-07-22T11:26:00.001-07:002009-07-22T11:35:00.686-07:00WTF Item<span style="font-size:130%;">I had to share this text message from the website </span><a href="http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/"><span style="font-size:130%;">http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />It just goes to show that being a teacher can be truly rewarding. Enjoy:<br /><br /><br /></span><blockquote><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#cc33cc;">"My student wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+."</span></strong></blockquote>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-91474768845465849422009-07-21T22:41:00.001-07:002010-04-10T21:55:59.851-07:00B.I.L.F.- Leonard Cohen<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/maccosta/2692407920/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/2692407920_7012b2a3fb_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/maccosta/2692407920/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"> Leonard Cohen em Benicassim, Espanha</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br />Originally uploaded by </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/maccosta/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">maccosta</span></a></span></div>I would hit it.<br /><br />I don't care that he's 74. I don't care if he's all loose skin and old balls. To this day, I would hit it and make no apologies. Because Leonard Cohen possesses the kind of rare brilliance that makes any other man, young or old, seem like a drooling troll in comparison.<br /><br />I discovered Leonard for myself when I was 14. My Dad had been insisting that "the man is a national f*cking treasure!" for years, but I wasn't having it. Here was the problem: I heard him sing before I read his poetry. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Big mistake</span>. He is not a gifted singer, and that is the biggest understatement since Batface Nicole Kidman admitted to getting "a little botox".<br /><br />Anyway, it was my good fortune that my angsty friend Mike gave me a volume of Cohen poetry to read and...oh God. That was it. It was the beginning of a beautiful obsession that has outlasted all of my fleeting culturelust phases.<br /><br />Nobody has a way with words like L.C. He can take an act that would make you punch a guy in the mouth for even hinting at in bed and make it sound like the purest and most obvious next step on the path to spiritual self-discovery. Pretty suave for a Jewish boy from Montreal, non?<br /><br />In addition to all this, he is perhaps one of the most interesting men in the world; he has lived everywhere (including a Zen monastery), done all kinds of unseemly and seemly things with vagabonds, royalty and the everyman and documented it all with the most raw and powerful emotional force you can imagine. If you think I'm laying it on a little thick, try reading his novel "Beautiful Losers", then we'll talk.<br /><br />Here's a short example of what I'm going on about:<br /><br /><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">If it be your will<br />That I speak no more<br />And my voice be still<br />As it was before<br />I will speak no more<br />I shall abide until<br />I am spoken for<br /><br />If it be your will<br />That a voice be true<br />From this broken hill<br />I will sing to you<br />From this broken hill<br />All your praises they shall ring<br />If it be your will<br />To let me sing<br /><br />If it be your will<br />If there is a choice<br />Let the rivers fill<br />Let the hills rejoice<br />Let your mercy spill<br />On all these burning hearts in hell<br />If it be your will<br />To make us well<br /><br />And draw us near<br />And bind us tight<br />All your children here<br />In their rags of light<br />In our rags of light<br />All dressed to kill<br />And end this night<br />If it be your will </span></blockquote><br /><br />Leonard, if you're reading this, come find me.Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-49512130925282703292009-07-20T10:29:00.000-07:002009-07-20T11:30:19.659-07:00YUPB Book Review- When I say no, I feel guilty. By Dr. Manuel. J. Smith<span style="font-family:georgia;">Do you work with someone who is a total and utter jackass? Maybe you have a friend, family member or acquaintance who continually violates your boundaries. Whatever the case, most of us have encountered an individual who just doesn't seem to "get it". The real problem is how to deal with them effectively once they have become part of your life.<br /><br />Well, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY (picture me screaming this Billy Mays-style)! I am here to tell you that you <em>can</em> peacefully co-exist with these people without having to repeat a song in your head to prevent yourself whipping a stapler at them with the force of a world champion boomerang chucker.<br /><br />By the way, "Renegades of Funk" by Rage Against the Machine is a good song choice for drowning them out, as is "Drop It Like It's Hot" by Snoop Dizzle.<br /><br />Ahem, but I digress...<br /><br />Get excited,everyone! I am about to deliver you from the bondage of other people's idiocy. Your salvation comes in paperback form and is titled "When I say no, I feel guilty". Written by Dr.Manuel.J. Smith in 1975, it is widely known as the bible of assertiveness training.<br /><br />Don't worry, at no point will you be advised to explore your irrational fear of the colour orange or trundle off to the forest to re-enact your birth. It is not psychobabble. It is a manual that provides actual techniques to deflect manipulation. The best part is that the techniques are bizarre and hilarious. But they work! I have mastered a couple of them, and they have come in very handy.<br /><br />One of my favourite techniques is called <strong>Fogging</strong>. It is meant to help you cope with manipulative criticism without melting into a giant puddle of forgiveness-seeking, guilt-laden d-baggery.Basically, you refuse to debate the accuracy of the criticism; you agree in principle and offer no explanation. That way, there is really nowhere for the conversation to go but downinflames.<br /><br />From the book (remember, it's 1975):<br /><br /></span><blockquote><span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong>Critic</strong>: I see that you are dressed in your usual sloppy manner.<br /><strong>You</strong>: That's right, I am dressed in my ususal way.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>:If you were smarter and had some moral sensibility you could ask someone how to buy better clothes so you don't look like a bum.<br /><strong>You</strong>: Yes, you are probably right, I could ask someone to do that.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: And what kind of hairstyle is that you have? It looks like one of those worn by dirty hippies!<br /><strong>You</strong>:I suppose maybe it does.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: You probably would like to live like them; never having to wash and rolling in sex.<br /><strong>You</strong>: Hmm, maybe I should think about that!(Smiling)<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: All you do is agree with me.<br /><strong>You</strong>: That's true.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: You sound like a yes-man with no spine or personality of your own.<br /><strong>You</strong>: I do sound like that, don't I?<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: You're doing it again.<br /><strong>You</strong>: That's true, I am.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: Well, can you say no and mean it?!<br /><strong>You</strong>: Perhaps.<br /><strong>Critic</strong>: Don't you know?<br /><strong>You</strong>: We'll have to see, won't we?</span></blockquote><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">*(I just want to point out that the excerpt from the book is twice as long as this and way funnier. The critic tells "you" that you have beady eyes, are sexually perverted and makes fun of your nervous tics. So good.)<br /><br />There are more techniques, such as Negative Assertion, Broken Record (the most offside technique of all) and Negative Inquiry, to help you deal with almost any kind of difficult person. YUPBs, it doesn't matter if you work in the magical Land of Office Perfection where everyone is nice all the time; you need to add these skills to your arsenal.<br /><br />This book is 324 pages long but the print is so tiny, it might as well be written for ants. Prepare yourself for quite the read. Take my word, it's worth it. Would I lie to you?<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Rating: 5/5</span></span>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-18222952903580696192009-07-19T22:13:00.000-07:002009-07-19T22:20:53.081-07:00Word of the Week- Philomath<span style="font-weight:bold;">Philomath</span> (Fill. uh. math).<span style="font-style:italic;">n.</span><br /><br /> From the Greek <span style="font-weight:bold;">philo</span> (loving) + <span style="font-weight:bold;">math</span>- root of <span style="font-weight:bold;">manthanein</span> (to learn).<br /><br />A person who loves to learn<br /><br />For example: "You could tell by the way she spoke that she was someone who had spent hours upon hours with her nose in a book. She was a philomath, if ever there was one."Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-64782982056226242472009-07-16T21:56:00.000-07:002009-07-17T13:45:03.386-07:00In which I invite Tyra Banks to Sit the F*ck Down and STFUDear Tyra Banks,<br /><br />First off, I would like to congratulate you on parlaying your career as a model into a television empire. I applaud you for encouraging young girls to have positive self-image and for refusing to slink away in shame when pictures of you looking a little lumpy in a bathing suit surfaced a couple of years ago. Well done.<br /><br />I admire your drive and ambition and I think that you have many qualities that qualify you as YUPB Icon candidate. <br /><br />However, there is just something about you that rubs me the wrong way, and by "rubs me the wrong way", I mean makes me want to rip my ears off of my head and eat them whenever I hear you screech "FIERRRCE!" from my television. I don't know where it started, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that you do things like this: <br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jOR4qekHWlA&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jOR4qekHWlA&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />Oh snap, see what I mean?<br /><br />Anyway, I understand that you aspire to be the next Oprah Winfrey. Before you go chasing that dream (read:delusion), let me offer you some friendly advice:<br /><br />Stop condescending to people on your show. You claim to be a champion of women, yet I have seen you purposely humiliate unsuspecting women on your show more than once. Case in point:you badgered Kim Kardashian about her sex tape even though she was there to talk about her reality show. I don't know where you and your mighty forehead get off being all judgemental and imperious; may I remind you, you posed in various states of undress in numerous magazines over the course of your career as a model. <em>You took off your clothes for money</em>. Kim made a tape of her sexay times with her boyfriend, which she was doing for free, not for profit. You do not have the moral high ground. Next:<br /><br />Mastering the art of "smiling with your eyes" does not a journalist make. You do not have the training, credibility or intelligence to be anything remotely like Oprah. You do, however, have the training and intelligence to be a histrionic narcissistic hypergelast(see word of the week). And, let me tell you, you are excelling at that.<br /><br />So, Tyra, it is for these reasons that I would like to cordially invite you to <strong>Sit the F*ck Down and STFU </strong>(Maybe you would like to do this in a journalism class. Couldn't hurt, just sayin'...).<br /><br />Triple Snap,<br /><br /> ShabsShabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-73231638098023591032009-07-15T22:50:00.001-07:002009-07-20T11:23:33.100-07:00That's my name, don't wear it out!<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/foundphotoslj/1163070594/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1005/1163070594_37379c56c1_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;font-size:0.9em;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/foundphotoslj/1163070594/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">You May Kiss the Bride</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br />Originally uploaded by </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/foundphotoslj/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">foundphotoslj</span></a></span></div>Here's an e-mail I recently got from a reader. Thought I should share with you all:<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"I have a topic idea for you: professional women taking their husband's name when they get married. I have not changed my name in ANY legal way. And I've told everyone that, yet EVERYONE addresses me by my husband's last name. I was completely called-out and berated by my in-laws for not taking his name, meanwhile my husband doesn't care one way or the other. Why do I have to give up my name? Why do I have to have an identity crisis with adopting a new name and have to rebuild my "name" again corporately and socially?<br /><br />I got like 10 cards all from family and every single one of them was addressed to Mrs.***. WTF?!?! Sorry for my rant. I think it would be an interesting topic though."<br /></span></span><br />Indeed, it is interesting. This topic seems to spark debate no matter where you go. Here is my personal experience:<br /><br />After we had been dating for about six months and realised that we were probably going to get married, my now-husband and I had the name change talk. Mufti (that's what we'll call him) said something along the lines of " Yeah, we can get a sign for the house that says "The (insert his last name here) Family". I paused for a second, surprised that he would be so presumptuous, then nonchalantly replied that I didn't plan to change my name when I married.<br /><br />You should have seen the look on his face. I might as well have told him that I slipped him a roofie the night before and cut off his testicles, which I was now wearing around my neck as a symbol of our love. It probably would have elicited the same reaction.<br /><br />Needless to say, it turned into a huge fight. By the time it was over, I was AMAZED that I had just had an argument in which I had to defend my right to keep the name that had identified me my entire life. It was so thoroughly ridiculous, so offensive and, at least to me, archaic, that I made it very clear to Mufti that we were never having that kind of conversation again because it was insulting.<br /><br />He thought I was insane because <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">he had never met a woman who hadn't changed her name after marriage </span>(What??Really?!).<br /><br />You see, my rationale was this: I am a child of interracial hippie parents, very little in my life has been "traditional". I don't cook, I am not chomping at the bit to have babies, and I am not a dedicated housekeeper. Why, then, would I carry this old-school tradition into my post-second-wave marriage. why?Why?WHY? I paid my own way through University, got a degree, got a good job and started my career all under my name. Was I really going to repeat all I did to build that name over the years? F*ck no.<br /><br />Despite this, just to not be a total shrew, I tried tacking my husband's name (not legally) onto the end of mine after we married. You know what happened? People just called me by his name and it made me cray-zay. I didn't feel comfortable assuming his name as my own. Eventually, every time I looked at him all I saw was a giant penis screaming "I OWN YOU NOW, MRS.YOURIDENTITYISINSIGNIFICANT!"<br /><br />Aside from that, however, it made me realize just how much you learn about someone by their name; it tells the story of where you came from, it says something about (at least part of) your heritage. When explaining this to a friend, she retorted "Yeah, but isn't it just another man's name anyway?" Yes, but that man and I share blood and history. By changing your name, you disconnect yourself from that history. Sure you are beginning a new history and a new family, but you do that whether you change your name or not.<br /><br />Does this seem obvious to anyone besides me?<br /><br />Why are some professional women holding on to this practice? Convenience? Romance? Just plain old traditional values?<br /><br />Did you change your name after you were professionally established? Why or why not?<br /><br />Does your man care if you take his name or not?<br /><br />Let's have it, bitches. I want your feedback.Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8810341194582505864.post-19283352584846664492009-07-13T20:10:00.001-07:002009-07-13T20:34:42.380-07:00B.I.L.F.- Michael Ignatieff<div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2431/3614571574_baea37eea2_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Photo originally uploaded by kyle.mcmartin.ca</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me, and I just love your neo-Trudeauian ways, that's why Harper is a douche and you're so paid.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Okay, I'm not the most adept lyricist, but I did manage to blend Biggie and Canadian politics. Commendable, no?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /><br />Anyway, Mikey Ignatieff's medulla oblongata has been giving me the squirmies since I had to start reading his papers as a Political Science undergrad. I remember sitting in the bathtub, coursepack in one hand, loofah in the other, thinking " This guy must be sexy in person. He's probably super arrogant and I bet he smiles condescendingly to people who try to counter his theses." I like those traits in my never-before-seen, unattainable intellectual crushes. Seriously, though, HOW F*UCKING RIGHT WAS I? Have you ever seen the Ignatieff smirk? I was basically dead on.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Iggy spends his days antagonizing the dough-faced, rosy-cheeked sweatervest lover currently serving as Prime Minister by publicly scoffing at his bills, rolling his eyes disdainfully at his attempts to undermine the Liberals and waving his hand dismissively at Harper's lame justifications for his own political existence.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So. Hot.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Yeah, so he's a little Ivan the Terrible, what with that furry brow and overpowering schnauz. But he's also a Harvard professor, renowned author and internationally respected intellectual. In my opinion, he is a commanding orator and a social visionary.<br /><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Whew. I have to stop before I start hyperventilating.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">If you haven't read any of his writing, try his new book "True Patriot Love", it's brain porn.</span></div>Shabshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10812581248659612269noreply@blogger.com0